


Watch Where I Walk

by lifecaughtinyoursway



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Blangst, Klaine Breakup, M/M, Song fic, Song: Good Thing (Sam Smith), blaine friendlyish, cw violence, no beta we die like men, s5e15 mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:00:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27213799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifecaughtinyoursway/pseuds/lifecaughtinyoursway
Summary: Glee song fic based off the Sam Smith song Good Thing. It felt like something Blaine would write or feel after he and Kurt broke up. Angsty, but not anti-Blaine. (Depictions of violence are minimal and not very graphic but better to tag than trigger)
Relationships: Adam Crawford/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Elliott "Starchild" Gilbert/Kurt Hummel, implied or suspected kadam or kelliott, past Blaine/Kurt
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Watch Where I Walk

_I had a dream I was mugged outside your house_

_I had a dream in a panic you came running out_

It was more than a little windy and cold, and Blaine was more than a little tipsy as he stumbled down the sidewalk. His thin jacket was definitely more suited for the crowded club he had just left than the freezing New York nights. Even so, his subway station was only a few blocks away. He could survive the chill for that long.

The sun had long set but the city that never sleeps was still illuminated by enough artificial light for Blaine to realize where he was as he hustled around a corner. Without thinking about it, he’d taken a route home straight through the neighborhood he had once shared with Kurt. It had been a couple months since he’d dared to get this close to his old life. It was much less painful to stay close to his and Sam’s apartment and not set foot in the neighborhood where every stray brick reminded him of Kurt. The loft was a few blocks east, the bakery he stopped by every morning on the way to NYADA one south, and he was standing at the entrance to the alleyway that Kurt had once been rushed out of in an ambulance.

Memories of that night, that call came rushing back. He still couldn’t remember much after, the frantic cab ride to the hospital and most of Kurt’s stay was a blur. But Blaine remembered every single chilling word of that phone call.

“Is this Blaine Anderson?” The voice had sounded far too calm for the news they were about to deliver.

“Yes, this is Blaine,” he’d said, confused. Blaine never picked up numbers that weren’t in his contacts, so it was a stroke of luck he’d happened to catch this one. Since the bashing, he hadn’t once turned off his ringtone and answered every call on the first ring. Just in case.

“This is Nurse Anderson at The Brooklyn Hospital Center. I believe your partner, Kurt Hummel, has just arrived?”

Blaine had sunk to the floor immediately, fearing the worst. “Oh my God, is he okay? What happened?” Far too many graphic images immediately flooded his head.

“He’s in stable condition. I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to disclose anything else over the phone.” That reassurance had been enough to get Blaine back on his feet and rushing to the door to call a cab. “Do you by any chance have any way to get in touch with a Rachel Berry? She’s first on the emergency contact list and we haven’t managed to get a hold of her yet.”

Looking back, that should have been a warning sign that they’d be over soon. Blaine wasn’t even Kurt’s emergency contact? But he had been too worried to focus on the semantics. Of course, that was one of the little things Blaine was mentally cursing himself for now. If he had just paid more attention, seen that Kurt was pulling away, maybe he could have fixed all their problems. Maybe he could have done a lot of things.

But he hadn’t, and so there he stood, a little unsteady on his feet, staring into the dark alley that had almost taken his fiancee (ex fiancee, he still sometimes needed to remind himself) from him.

For a moment, a crazy, twisted, definitely-at-least-partially tequila induced moment, he imagined it was him. Not the one being wheeled on a stretcher out of the alley, not Kurt. The one that Kurt had gone running in there to rescue. Someone Kurt had chosen to put in the effort to save.

_For a moment you were sure I’d die on you_

_For a moment I believed you loved me too_

The thought struck him so quickly it was as if he was actually experiencing it.

He felt the cold pavement digging into his cheek as blood and rain soaked his hair. The guys would be yelling abuse at him, which he wouldn’t be able to hear over the pounding in his head. But he’d be alright, because there would be Kurt. Kurt, running into the alley. Kurt, scaring the guys away. Kurt, scooping him up into his arms and telling him it was going to be okay.

Kurt, still loving him.

He’d help him stumble out of the alley, take him back to the loft. Their loft. Because Kurt would be worried, he’d feel just as terrified as Blaine did that day.

_But life is never like this_

_And you’re never strong_

After another frozen moment passed, Blaine shook off the thought. He’d been spending more hours contemplating every single second of his failed relationship than he would have liked to admit, but this Kurt savior fantasy was over the top even for him. It wasn’t doing any good for anyone. So he kept walking, still lost in thought.

He just couldn’t get over the fact that he hadn’t seen it coming. Blaine thought everything was great, they were getting married for God’s sake. Sure, they had their ups and downs but it seemed like they were finally settling into a comfortable existence together once they were both in New York. They worked through their problems with moving in together too soon, clashing at NYADA, and more friendship drama than they’d experienced even at the peak of the New Directions’ craziness. And yet less than a month later it was all over. Just like that.

Blaine couldn’t help it, he kept wondering what he had done wrong. If cheating wasn’t enough to keep Kurt from getting back together with him, he’d thought nothing could destroy their bond. No number of glitter rock vampires or decor disagreements could drive two soulmates apart, right?

_Too much of a good thing won’t be good for long_

_Although you made my heart sing, to stay with you would be wrong_

_Too much of a good thing won’t be good anymore_

_Watch where I tread before I fall_

Clearly, he was wrong. Blaine still wasn’t sure if Kurt was planning on breaking up with him that fateful day in the cafe, but it all happened so fast that Blaine couldn’t really be sure of anything. Of course, Kurt assured him it wasn’t his fault. They weren’t compatible, they were just playing out the high school sweetheart dream they thought they wanted, they were too young. Blaine had told Kurt that he’d never forgive him, but they both knew that wasn’t true.

_We talk maybe twenty times a day_

_And still I never say what I want to say_

It didn’t help that Kurt had been so heart-achingly kind about the whole thing. He’d given Blaine all the space he needed to cry into Sam’s shoulder and binge watch terrible reality TV. He’d opted out of all the group events so Blaine could still go and have that support system. He’d forgiven Blaine for everything long before Blaine had forgiven him. And when Blaine was ready, he’d promised that they could still be friends.

And for a while, it had worked. Blaine convinced himself that he could be happy just being Kurt’s best friend, like in their Dalton days or when they broke up the first time. It didn’t quiet the little voice in the back of his head that constantly murmured “if you got back together once, you can get back together again”, but it was a start. Anything was better than losing Kurt entirely.

They had even managed to keep their old McKinley friend group from picking sides. Sure, Rachel had abruptly stopped picking Blaine as a duet partner and Tina and Kurt were occasionally at each other’s throats, but they had Santana and Artie and the rest to keep everything relatively calm. In fact, the group had all gone out tonight.

Blaine finally reached his station but paused at the top of the stairs. He took out his phone and clicked over to his text messages.

**Tina: blainey days, did you make it home safe? 12:03am**  
**Tina: blaine? 12:14am**  
**Tina: ugh this is why I didn’t want you to leave alone babe. call me when you get this. 12:36am**

**Alex from psych: hey did u get the notes in class 9:07pm**  
**Alex from psych: super hungover didn’t go 9:07pm**

Blaine left them both on read. He’d respond to Alex tomorrow, maybe, and Tina could wait until he got home. Though something was still holding him back from descending into the dimly lit subway tunnel. Something had been holding him back from the fun all night.

For the millionth time that night, Blaine clicked over to the New Directions group chat, affectionately named the “new (york) directions” by Rachel.

**Santana: callbacks tonight? 1:33pm**

**Rachel: yes!! I’ve got some new barbra I’m working on and I NEED to get audience input 1:34pm**

**Santana: nevermind count me out 1:40pm**

**Tina: come on santana, it’s been too long! 1:44pm**

**Artie: it’s been a week? 1:45pm**  
**Artie: also im in 1:46pm**

**Tina: seven whole days IS too long artie 1:46pm**

**Sam: you had me at callbacks ;) 2:08pm**

**Santana: okay if trouty mouth is gonna make movie references all night i’m definitely not going 2:13pm**

**Cedes: whatever, santana, be a hater if you want 2:16pm**  
**Cedes: I’ll be there 2:16pm**

**Me: I can probably make it 3:03pm**

**Rachel: kurt, you in? 3:18pm**

**Kurt: can’t 4:05pm**  
**Kurt: date tonight 4:06pm**

**Santana: lady hummels gonna actually get some? impressive 4:17pm**

**Rachel: Kurt!! you didn’t tell me that! 5:02pm**  
**Rachel: is it elliott? adam? the cute brunette from stage combat class? come on, tell me tell me tell me 5:03pm**

The conversation had kept going beyond that, but Blaine could only torture himself so much. Three words, three insignificant little words that probably hadn’t cost Kurt more than half a thought had consumed his entire night.

Of course Kurt was moving on. That’s what people did when they broke up, they moved on to date other people. It probably wasn’t even the first date he’d been on since they broke up. Rachel’s texts certainly seemed to suggest that, anyway. Maybe he’d already gotten a new boyfriend. Maybe they were in love. Maybe he’d been right to be worried about Elliott. Blaine brushed the anxiety away. Kurt wasn’t his to worry about anymore, and he’d been going down this spiral all night.

_I thought I wouldn’t need to_

_I guess I read you wrong_

Blaine forced himself to turn off his phone and swapped it for the metro card in his pocket. Sinking into a pool of anxiety wasn’t going to help anyone. He just needed to get on the subway, call Tina, and go to sleep. Everything would hurt less in the morning. It always did.

He managed a whole five steps down before he immediately turned around and rushed up the street. Kurt’s apartment was just a few blocks away still. It couldn’t be a coincidence that this is where he ended up tonight. He knew that he wouldn’t be at peace until he got to talk to him. He had to tell Kurt that he still loved him, that he wasn’t okay being just friends. He had to try. Blaine only hoped he wasn’t too late.

The night had only grown colder, but Blaine couldn’t feel it anymore. The pain that had enveloped him for the last few months felt like it was lessening. It was going to be okay, Kurt was going to take him back. They would be happy again. He couldn’t wait.

The windows of the loft were dark as Blaine approached the building. Rachel and Santana probably hadn’t left Callbacks yet. He was about to cross the street when a sudden voice stopped him in his tracks.

The door to the lobby had opened, and Kurt was saying goodnight to a tall figure. In the low light, Blaine couldn’t make out who, but he’d recognize that voice anywhere. They embraced briefly, and the other gave Kurt a kiss on the cheek. He then said something quietly into his ear and Kurt let out an all-too-familiar laugh. It echoed across the quiet street like Kurt had a megaphone.

Blaine felt his spirit soar and his heart break simultaneously at the sound.

This was stupid. A terrible decision, really. Blaine turned on his heels and virtually ran in the other direction. He flung himself down the stairs of the nearest subway station and crashed into a seat of the arriving train. The empty subway car slowly pulled away from the platform and Blaine had already begun to cry too hard to make out what line he was on. With his luck, he was going in the opposite direction of his place. He didn’t even care anymore.

_You refuse to see this, don’t see it anymore_

Eventually, the tears subsided enough for Blaine to get off the train and catch the right one home. The apartment was quiet, all the lights off. Sam had arrived some time before him, so he quietly shedded his shoes and coat and collapsed onto his bed.

Blaine quickly fired off a text to Tina promising he wasn’t dead. He figured she wouldn’t mind if he waited to call her until the morning. She didn’t respond, so he was about to roll over and try to sleep off this entire night when he saw another message sitting in his inbox. A quick glance at the clock confirmed that it was well past three, but that only piqued his interest more.

It was from Kurt. He knew it wouldn’t be anything special, they texted occasionally and it wasn’t anything romantic. But he still felt his heart begin to race- and he hated himself for it.

**Kurt: hey how’d tonight go? 2:57am**  
**Kurt: santana and rach said you took off alone 2:57am**

Blaine didn’t think it was impossible for him to feel stupider than he already did but it just kept getting worse. Kurt had no idea what any of this meant to him. Kurt was just checking in, as a friend. Kurt thought they were just friends. Kurt _decided_ that that was all they could ever be. Kurt couldn’t see how much every tiny interaction they had broke Blaine’s heart all over again.

_I have made a decision not to answer your calls_

_Cause I put everything out there and I got nothing at all_

Clearly, his impulses were not to be trusted that night, but Blaine followed this one anyway.

**Me: please dont 3:24am**  
**Me: i just 3:25am**  
**Me: i can't do this anymore 3:25am**

He knew the messages would be nonsensical to Kurt, but he didn’t know what else to say. His words obviously weren’t good enough anymore.

_Too much of a good thing isn’t good and you know_

_I watch where I walk before I fall_

Before he could regret it, Blaine clicked over to Kurt’s contacts and deleted the number. He knew it by heart, of course, and probably would forever. But it was the principle of the thing.

Kurt was over it. Blaine didn’t know why it took hitting rock bottom this hard to see it, but he finally started to. It didn’t matter how much he loved Kurt, how sorry he was, because Kurt didn’t love him. He just didn’t. And it was too painful to keep holding on to the hope that one day he’d come back around.

And he’d be fine, he really would. He was much too stubborn to let an ex ruin his life. Blaine would have his friends, and his music, and he’d get over Kurt too. He’d go on dates with other cute boys, he’d have other boyfriends, he’d be happy. His life would go on with or without Kurt. Maybe someday they could be friends like they used to, but his happiness didn’t depend on Kurt anymore. He was going to be okay someday.

_Before I fall_

Blaine only wished it didn’t have to hurt so much to get there.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me why the only fics I successfully finish and post are at least semi related to 5x15. Whatever the reason, here you go. Sam's releasing a new album on the thirtieth so y'all should definitely check that one out, their first two albums, and this song in particular. I'm not a big Blaine fan so I hope I did your boy justice. Thanks for reading!!!


End file.
